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Anxious Attachment Patterns Quiz

anxious attachment patterns quiz

Anxious Attachment Patterns quiz

After working with people who struggle with anxious attachment and relationship anxiety, I discovered 9 Anxious Attachment Patterns that are sabotaging their relationships. Take this 4 minute assessment to find out your strongest pattern and what you need to do to overcome it to start healing your anxious attachment.

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becomingsecure.co

✨Shift from anxious to secure attachment
👇🏻Take the Anxious Attachment Patterns quiz to discover your top pattern that’s sabotaging your relationships

Becoming Secure
A lack of boundaries = a lack of self esteem and w A lack of boundaries = a lack of self esteem and without them they leave us feeling anxious, resentful and disappointed. Those feelings left unchecked leave us susceptible to enmeshed relationships where we struggle to identify between our needs and the needs of others. People with healthy boundaries have a strong sense of self because they know what their feelings, needs, values and limits are, and they can access their inner knowing to speak to those things. We all have limits and these limits differ from person to person. Many times in life people aren’t trying to violate our boundaries, they’re just not aware of them. Our spiritual lesson as anxious attachers is learning to set boundaries to protect our inner child from feeling unsafe or getting hurt. To begin setting boundaries we need to get to know our core selves by asking: What do I value? What do I need to feel safe in relationships? What are my limits? 🐞 What boundaries do you need to set in relationships? Share below 👇🏻+ if you’d like support on healing anxious attachment I really recommend shadow work as it will help you shift into secure future functioning by healing the deeper feelings of loneliness, rejection and abandonment, my inbox is open #anxiousattachment #shadowwork #relationshipadvice
What our biggest fear is is what we’re here to d What our biggest fear is is what we’re here to do 🔥 As children we’re wired to want our parents' approval - we need them in order to survive and we need them to like us so they feed us. If we get their attention, attunement, warmth and love, our nervous system is regulated and we feel safe in the world. But if we don’t get their consistent attention, co-regualtion and love, then we feel rejected and we internalise the belief “I’m not wanted”. This belief becomes personal and deeply embedded into our psyche until we develop self awareness and realize it was their unresolved wounds and not ours. Even more so, we pass this need to be liked onto others. We search for acceptance from the unavailable. We worry about what people think of us. We struggle to say no. We hold back from sharing our truth. We diminish ourselves to be liked. But no matter how much we sacrifice ourselves in order to be accepted we never feel complete. As we do the internal work and recognise our fears, we can heal. We do this by accepting that our parents were wounded with unresolved trauma. That they didn’t have the support systems or cornerstone from their childhood to be the parents we needed. That they numbed their feelings to escape the colossal problems they didn’t know how to deal with. Our universal lesson in this soul battle is that the problems our parents gave us are opportunities to orient our consciousness, so we can evolve and experience life force energy to the highest degree. When consciousness comes through our body to experience life, we have the option to accept what we’re experiencing and allow consciousness to move through us or to resist what is happening in the moment. If we resist the experience of our consciousness and we don’t allow ourselves to feel, we suffer. But when we allow ourselves to feel, we give ourselves the time to apply our consciousness to our fears, and alchemise our fears into our greatest gifts. Leave a ❤️ if this lands. #healingjourney #purposecoach #soulpurpose #motivation #motivationalquotes
Inside of all of us is an inner child who needs ou Inside of all of us is an inner child who needs our love, validation and acceptance 💓 If we’ve felt estranged from our parents or grown up feeling unloved, unseen and unheard, then our inner child will still hold these painful feelings and memories. Doing inner child work allows us to come home to ourselves and connect with ourselves with love and compassion. It’s a powerful therapeutic healing technique that helps us to go back and redo experiences, so that our inner child has the love, support and stability they needed. We can then metabolise these emotions in a safe and regulated way and let our body know that we’re not in the past anymore and we’re safe now. What does your inner child need to hear from you? Take action 👇🏻 🐝 Anxious attachment quiz to discover your top anxious pattern that sabotages your relationships 🧡Listen to my podcast becoming secure on iTunes 🕊DM to book a starter session. This will be an hour session where we go inward & connect with your inner child, and help you find immediate emotional relief. This is £90 for a starter session. Send me a DM with the word “serenity” if you’re ready to book a session. #innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork #innerchildtherapy #innerchildcomingout #healingjourney #purposefulliving #purposedrivenlife
Last night I was watching Tim Burton’s Charlie a Last night I was watching Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I felt saddened for Willie because his father was strict, negligent and emotionally cold, and I couldn’t help but think about his wounded inner child. Burton had a similar relationship with his father and he said it was an amazing catharsis to do the film, giving him an opportunity to work through his feelings. After he lost his father, he said “I made some attempts to communicate with him and have some kind of resolution. His death wasn’t a huge sense of loss, because I have been grieving the absence of a relationship with him my whole life”. This struck a chord with me, as I went through waves of feelings and emotions connected to my dad. Those unresolved emotions seeped through my relationships and I continually attracted emotionally unavailable men who reinforced and re-energised these deeper wounds. 4 years since my dad passed, I’ve come to peace with it and I’ve never felt more loved and connected to my dad. When I gave myself the permission to feel my feelings, I could metabolize them and create space for a new relationship with my dad. In many ways it freed me and allowed me to carve a new path for my life. I learned that although he wasn’t here anymore I could still connect with him. Sometimes it’s listening to music he liked, wearing clothes he liked (he was a bit of a hippy when he was young and wore purple flares 🕺) and then sometimes his wacky sense of humor moves through me and I feel his spirit. What things have helped you process your grief? How can you connect with people you’ve lost? Hope you are ok ❤️ #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork #innerchildtherapy #innerchildcomingout #healingjourney #selflove #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefhealing
We need to feel safe to go after the things we wan We need to feel safe to go after the things we want. When we heal the parts of us that feel unsafe, we can cultivate inner safety, connect to our intuition & pursue our manifestations 🌈 🤗 Tag a friend who needs to hear this #innerchild #innerchildhealing #traumahealing #selflove #selflovejourney #selfgrowth #selflovequotes #manifestation #purposecoach #healingjourney #healingquotes #selfgrowthjourney
Attachment and relationship trauma leads us to los Attachment and relationship trauma leads us to lose trust in ourselves and others. Healing is about strengthening our inner compass so we can cultivate self-trust and become discerning about who we invest our time and energy in 🤍 Tag a friend who would appreciate this 🙌🏻💘 #anxiousattachment #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #attachmenttrauma #relationshiphelp #relationships101 #relationshipadvice #relationshipcounselling #relationshiptherapy #healthyrelationships #datingtips #relationshipcoach #datingcoach #datingadvice #innerchildhealing #healing #healingjourney #traumahealing #breakthecycle #bestrelationshipadvice #relationshipmanagement
As anxious people, we will often feel the need to As anxious people, we will often feel the need to be other than how we are and hide who we really are. 🤭 This means that we hold back from speaking our truth out of fear of losing a connection. This is also because typical relationship advice tells us to “play it cool, don’t be needy and appear confident”. But this keeps us stuck in a sticky pit of people-pleasing. Ignoring how we feel.. Hiding our needs.. Suppressing our feelings.. Self-abandoning ourselves in an attempt to protect ourselves from being abandoned. In truth, when we communicate our feelings and needs, it saves us from someone who isn’t compatible with us. If someone withdraws from us and can't meet our needs then it protects us from staying in a relationship in which we would be neglected. 🔥Sometimes when people leave us, they free us. They give us the freedom to move on and focus our energy on those who can hold and meet us. So, how can we start communicating our needs? Let’s say for example, someone cancels plans and you feel hurt. ✨Instead of trying to conceal this, you want to communicate it and tell them how you FEEL. 🌿 When you focus on the feeling and NEED you’re asking for, others will hear you out. 🔆 This will paradoxically show that you’re self-confident and assertive, rather than relying on insecure strategies, such as hinting or testing. 💎 In using crystal clear communication from the start you are honoring your needs and you’re setting the tone for a conscious relationship that is honest, pure and takes into account each other’s needs. Drop a 💛 if you’re committed to communicating your needs and levelling up in relationships. You’ve got this ✨✨ 👉Follow @becomingsecure.co for more tips on the co-creation of pure, honest and conscious relationships 🤍🕊✨ #anxiousattachment #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #attachmenttrauma #relationshiphelp #relationships101 #relationshipadvice #relationshipcounselling #relationshiptherapy #healthyrelationships #datingtips #relationshipcoach #datingcoach #datingadvice #innerchildhealing #healing #healingjourney #traumahealing #breakthecycle #bestrelationshipadvice #relationshipmanagement
Do you criticise when you don’t get your needs m Do you criticise when you don’t get your needs met? Perhaps you people please and don’t set boundaries in your relationships? It wasn’t until working with a therapist that I realised that I was doing all of the above. I was feeling hurt, angry and resentful and it was creating unbalance in my relationships. What I learned was that these were Anxious Attachment Patterns I learned to keep me safe as a young child. These patterns aren’t bad, but are adaptations I learned to feel loved and survive. Fortunately, I was able to heal these patterns and experience mountains of healing and I’m now in a secure and healthy relationship. The same can happen for you to ❤️🙌🏻 If you’d like to dive deeper and create secure, loving & attuned relationships, I can help you heal these patterns through my Secure Attachment Repatterning Method. My inbox is open 🤍✨ #anxiousattachment #anxietyrelief #attachmentstyles #relationshippatterns #relationshipsheal #innerchildhealing
If you lean towards anxious attachment it’s like If you lean towards anxious attachment it’s likely that you have a fear of abandonment due to experiencing repetitive physical departures in your childhood. This manifests into the fear of people leaving in your adult relationships, because your inner child (the memory of the previous child you were) feels abandoned. Here’s some words that calm abandonment anxiety 🤍✨ Psst, if you’d like to overcome anxious attachment I really recommend inner child healing as this will help you to process buried emotions beneath anxiety. My inbox is open 🕊✨ I do therapy over Zoom in the US, UK and Europe. #anxiousattachment #abandonmentissues #abandonmenttrauma #anxietyrelief #anxietysupport #anxietyawareness #anxietyrecovery #anxiouspreoccupied #attachmentstyles #relationships101
💛 Which of these do you have down? Let me know 💛 Which of these do you have down? Let me know in the comments 👇🏻 #anxiousattachment #anxietyrelief #anxietyrecovery #relationships101 #attachmentstyles
To co-regulate we need to self-regulate 🤍🤍🤍 The genesis of anxious attachment is the inability to self-soothe and regulate our emotions. This is due to the inconsistency in parenting we were faced with as children. Since we didn’t get consistent warmth, attunement and co-regulation, we didn’t receive the necessary social modelling to soothe our emotions. More often than not, our parents had their own resolved wounds and they were unable to sit with our pain, as it would mean facing their own unresolved pain, shame and not feeling good enough. This made us run away from our emotions, deny our feelings and needs and ultimately block intimacy later in our adult relationships. Until we learn how to self-regulate, we won’t be able to co-regulate. This means learning to sit with our emotions and just letting it be – the anxiety, the sadness, the anger, the fear and the shame. Being compassionate witnesses to all of our feelings and giving ourselves the permission to feel. Listening to our inner child. Hearing their cries and letting them know we hear them. Letting them share their sadness with us like we would with a child and asking them what they need. When we know what we need, we heal our shame and we can surrender our hearts. 👉 Follow @becomingsecure.co for tips on healing anxious attachment and creating secure, loving and attuned relationships P.S If you’d like deeper support on how to self-soothe and shift into secure attachment, my inbox is open 🕊 #anxiousattachment #anxietyrelief #anxietyrecovery #relationshipgoals #innerchildhealing
One of you asked tips on how to not beat yourself One of you asked tips on how to not beat yourself up for past mistakes in relationships and here’s what came to mind 😍 All of the past versions of you have helped you stay safe and survive; they’ve protected you and been your ally when you didn’t get the love, care and support you needed, so why reject or abandon those versions of you? What comes up for you? I’d love to hear ❤️ #anxiousattachment #attachmenttheory #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #relationships101 #relationshipsgoals
Overcoming attachment anxiety is a challenging yet Overcoming attachment anxiety is a challenging yet liberating process. As we heal attachment from the inside and reparent our inner child, we create the conditions for change; compassion, validation and attunement. This is all about processing unresolved emotions in a safe, regulated and compassionate way. When we can process emotions, we can 🧠 “metabolise” trauma and 🌊 release the emotional energy of hurt, pain and loneliness from our nervous system and body. Through this process we increase the size of the swimming pool and our sense of groundedness and consciousness expands 🌍✨ This helps us to create a secure connection inside of ourselves, so we can find true inner safety. This is the magic my clients experience when they do this work: ✨they set boundaries as they fear rejection less ✨they communicate better as they fear abandonment less ✨ they feel calmer and get triggered less ✨they become more resilient to the comings of goings of life as they’re centered in themselves ✨they practice self-compassion and find the inner nurturing voice they’ve been looking for Which of these are you noticing in yourself? Share below? 🌹Psst, if you’d like to discover your top anxious attachment pattern take my quiz to find out the next steps on how to overcome it (link in bio) #anxious #anxietyrelief #anxietyawareness #anxietysupport #innerchildhealing #anxiousattachment #relationships101 #traumarecovery #traumahealing #healingjourney #healingattachmentwounds #heainginnerchild #therapistsofinstagram #therapists #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #consciousrelationships #relationalsafety
As infants, how we feel safe is through looking in As infants, how we feel safe is through looking into our caregivers eyes. When we can feel their touch and have our feelings mirrored, our nervous system is regulated and we feel safe in the world. This cultivates an internal working model of safety, trust and positive expectations that our feelings will be heard and our needs will be met. If we didn’t have consistent co-regulation, attention and attunement from a caregiver, then we develop an insecure working model and we learn nuanced, creative strategies to get our attachment needs met. This might look like 👉 Hiding what we think and feel to keep the peace 👉 Overthinking and second-guessing ourselves 👉 Making excuses why people can’t meet our needs 👉 Abandoning our boundaries and settling for casual when we want commitment One way to move towards being secure is unlearning the core beliefs about yourself that are holding you back and learning secure beliefs. ❤️ What beliefs are you rewriting for yourself? Share below 🐞 Curious to find out more about your anxious attachment patterns? Take my 4 min quiz to discover your top pattern (link in bio) #anxiousattachment #attachmentwound #attachmentstyles #attuneforconnection #attachmentfocused #anxietyrecovery #anxietyrelief
Many relationships have caused me to reach rock bo Many relationships have caused me to reach rock bottom. That’s because when I was a young child I experienced neglect and repetitive physical departures from my mum as she would go on holiday for weeks and leave my brother and I. I also had a lack of an emotional connection with my parents and realised that their inability to connect, empathise and attune to me left me feeling lonely inside. Growing up without the privilege of a secure attachment figure meant that I grew up emotionally unstable and I struggled in relationship immensely. Even though everything seemed ok on the outside, I didn’t have any sense of belonging or security. My adolescence was really isolating for me and I remember walking around with such inner emptiness and inner loneliness, grieving the family I didn’t have. Relationships were tough: any threat that someone would leave me would take me on a downward spiral. It wasn’t until a few years ago when I learned that I had a deep-rooted abandonment wound and that most of my disruptive relationship patterns were due to not getting enough love, care, reliability and stability from my parents. I call this abandoned inner child Violet. She’d been through so much and I continue to love, empathise and attune to her feelings to this day. She used to be very hurt but now she has a secure attachment with me and knows I’m not going anywhere. How does the abandonment wound show up for you? There are 2 ways I can help 1) Do my anxious attachment patterns quiz to find your top pattern (bio) 2) Join my 8 week signature group program Becoming Secure, where we'll be healing the abandonment wound, and other attachment wounds to expand into groundedness, calmness and inner stability, so you can create safe & suppose relationships. Early bird ends Wednesday 23rd. Modules drop weekly and on Thursdays we have live meetings where we do experiental exercises. You have an option to pair up with a buddy or do the exercises on your own. Interested? DM “early bird” #anxiousattachment #abandonmentanxiety #abandonmentissues #abandonmenttrauma #attachmentstyles #abandonmentwound #anxietyrecovery #anxietyrelief #relationships101 #anxiouspreoccupied
As infants we need a primary caregiver to take car As infants we need a primary caregiver to take care of our basic needs to survive. If we have a caregiver that is consistent, loving and present then we feel safe and develop a regulated nervous system. Our attachment needs of feeling seen, feeling heard, feeling loved and feeling safe are met and we develop a secure attachment style. In other words, we form a healthy bond with our caregiver and we trust that we can rely and depend on them. But what happens when we don’t get our attachment needs met? If we don't have consistent co-regulation, attention and attunement from a caregiver, then we develop different ways that we interact and behave in relationships in order to get our attachment needs met. These behaviors and coping mechanisms are patterns that create an insecure attachment style. For example, as a child we may make our parents angry if we express our feelings or ask for our needs to be met, so we learn to not express our feelings or needs to prevent them from being agitated or angry. What happens is that this pattern continues into adulthood and we become chronic people pleasers. 👉 We say yes when we want to say no 👉 We learn to prioritise other people’s needs before our own 👉 We struggle to express our feelings, boundaries and needs because we fear rejection 👉 We experience a build up of anger and resentment and we push people away People pleasing is one of 9 anxious attachment patterns I’ve discovered from personal and professional experience with working with anxious attachers. The good news is that these patterns aren’t set in stone. Just as much as we’ve learned these patterns to survive, we can unlearn these patterns to thrive 🙌🏻💘 The problem is that these patterns keeps us stuck in disruptive relationship patterns as adults where we feel unseen and unloved, until they are acknowledged and addressed. Ready to start healing your anxious attachment? Awareness is the first step. ▶️ Take my 4 minute quiz to discover your top anxious attachment pattern (link in bio) #anxiousattachment #relationshipanxiety #attachmentstyles #innerchildhealing #attachmenttheory #attachmenttrauma #attachmentissues #healing
One of the biggest things I’ve learned about bec One of the biggest things I’ve learned about becoming securely attached is becoming a master emotional regulator and self-soothing my emotions 😍 Which of these do you check? Share below. ❤️ P.S If you’d like to discover your anxious attachment patterns that hold you back in relationships, take my 4 min quiz (link in bio) If you’d like to go deeper and start healing your attachment style, send me DM with the word “secure”, and let’s talk. #anxiousattachment #attachmentstyles #relationships101 #innerchildhealing #consciousrelationships
If you want to have a loving, secure and attuned r If you want to have a loving, secure and attuned relationship, having a secure attachment style will create the foundation for that. Many attachment therapists talk about building an external secure attachment with others but very few talk about building a secure connection inside of ourselves. Having an internal secure connection is all about being a master emotional regulator and being able to self-soothe our feelings, meet our emotional needs, have a self-care routine and feel comfortable with being alone. What I love about this paradigm shift is that you can’t control your relationships with others, but you can control the relationship you have with yourself and this is a relationship you’re going to have for the rest of your life. Which one of these do you have? Share below What questions do you have about building an internal secure attachment? Share below 👇🏻 🐿 Psst, if you’d like to start healing anxious attachment, take my 4 minute Anxious Attachment Patterns quiz to discover the patterns that are sabotaging your relationships. (Link in bio). #anxiousattachment #traumahealing #innerchildhealing #attachmenttheory #datingadvice #relationships101
Your boundaries and self care may be someone else’s rejection. That’s ok do it anyway. You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings 🤍 Psst, I’m looking for case study clients who want to shift from anxious to secure attachment and experience mountains of healing. If this is you DM with the word “shift”. #anxiousattachment #attachmenttheory #attachmentstyles #consciousrelationships #datingtips
You can do all the intellectualizing in the world You can do all the intellectualizing in the world and although you will see some results, it isn’t sufficient in healing an anxious attachment style. This is because analyzing and understanding things doesn’t create an energetic shift within the emotional body as you can’t intellectualize the emotions that you never expressed into leaving your body. 🧠 When you can experientially process, metabolise and release buried emotions… 😥The emotions that were never released get to be felt… 🗣 The words that never got to be said get shouted and yelled… 🌊 The energy gets to move through you and be released… And for me personally, the biggest shifts came when I released the emotions from past experiences that never got to be expressed. ✨I’m looking for 6 people who want to shift from anxious to secure attachment and create secure, loving and attuned relationships. I'll help you to drastically reduce relationship anxiety, create an embodied and regulated sense of self and find inner stability and inner harmony. This is for you if ~ You lean towards anxious attachment and experience intense relationship anxiety. This looks like fear, anxiety, panic and obsessive thoughts when someone leaves or energetically pulls away from you. ~ You’re tired of emotionally unavailable relationships. You're done with settling for breadcrumbs and you want to call in a healthy and secure relationship. ~ You’re committed to personal growth and you're ready to shift from anxious to secure attachment. You devote yourself to relationships fully and you're willing to put your all into personal growth and becoming secure. This is what people say about the healing: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ “When we started, I was paranoid, anxious and having panic attacks and now my panic attacks have gone”. “I feel so much happier in myself”. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ "I've had so much therapy over the years & I feel like this is getting to the root of my anxiety, I'm really glad I found you". ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ “You’ve helped me so much, I’m a lot stronger in myself”. If you’re interested, comment leave me a DM with the word “secure”. #anxiousattachment #attachmentstyles #innerchildhealing #traumarecovery #traumahealing
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